Writing again?

I've held on to this graphic from the New York Times since July 12. 

It's not that I haven't wanted to write.  It's not like I didn't have many stories, ideas, reviews rolling around in my head.  I've been reading a lot. You may or may not know it.  The audio of Clap When You Land was so good.  I agree with my friend Alicia that the pub date for Punching the Air should be moved up. I finally read my first Ellen Hopkins, her middle grade, Closer to Nowhere. Jacqueline Woodson's unique Before Ever After has my family quizzing me on the offensive line and all of us talking about the future of football. I fell fast and hard for Cal and Leon from The Gravity of Us. I could go on and on. And, since this is a summer unlike any other, adult books have been on my bedside table. I finished one last week and almost immediately began a second.

Last week, Sera, a fourth grade teacher friend from a neighboring district wrote this and it went viral.  She really nailed feelings that so many of us could relate to.  This morning after seeing the sunrise yet again, I decided to show up.  Maybe by doing so, the lion will sleep tonight.

Good Morning?

I didn’t sleep well. Again.

I wake up and can literally feel the sweat drip out of the pores on my legs. My mind races.  My heart pounds. Surprisingly, I get enough REM time to dream.  Last night, my daughter handed me the keys to the car but I didn’t know how to drive. And, for the second time in the past week, Obama appeared.  The first time he was sitting cross legged and relaxed.  I casually introduced him to someone as “Barack.”  Not sure what he was doing in the wee hours of this morning.  Working hard to turn this nightmare we’re living into science fiction?

My friends and colleagues aren’t sleeping either. One takes Tylenol PM every night.  One swears by a special tea and bedtime ritual.  I tried the tea.  It worked one night. Maybe? Others commiserate.  Is anyone truly sleeping soundly?  The upside of all this?  The Great Believers is over 600 pages long. 

The fear of the unknown is taking over. What will my job as a school librarian look like? College is open for my incoming freshman. How will she make friends while smiling behind a mask? My High Schooler was disciplined during 14 weeks of spring virtual learning. Will he be as successful in another year of different learning? The only known factor in all of this is that we don’t know.

It’s almost August.  Pre-Covid, my daughter would be working all summer at sleep away camp.  She’d only be home for a few days before leaving for college to say goodbye to HS friends and to tirelessly shop for a comforter, towels, and mini-fridge. Since she is here, shouldn’t her room be overflowing with dorm supplies that we’ve had so much time to buy?  It’s not.  Target and Bed, Bath and Beyond have not taken a dime from me yet. I wonder how well she is sleeping.

Tonight I will brew some chamomile, do some deep breathing, read until the words get blurry and wish for the best. And Barack? If I see you again, may I request a soothing lullaby and your old promise of hope? Thanks in advance.